Discussion on Monica's News

Writer: Aleli Damiano (Monica)
Reader/Organizer: Meredith Rhosar (Meredith)
Editor: Judy Meiler (Judy)


The Dialogue

[20:02] Meredith Rhosar: Monica your turn!!!:D

[20:02] Aleli Damiano: ok...

[20:02] Judy Meiler: So, it's Monica's turn.

[20:03] Aleli Damiano: from holland with love XD

[20:03] Meredith Rhosar: will we go to your place?

[20:03] Aleli Damiano: ok...

[20:03] Aleli Damiano: let me send u the link...wait for me...

[20:05] Judy Meiler: Ok!

[20:05] Aleli Damiano: I have send it to u on the msn Judy...

[20:06] Aleli Damiano: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Amsterdam/128/128/2

[20:06] Aleli Damiano: here...

[20:06] Aleli Damiano: I will wait for u there girls.. c u

[20:07] Meredith Rhosar: wow so fast!!!

[20:07] Aleli Damiano: train is coming...

[20:08] Meredith Rhosar: so Monica you can go on or lead us to some places you'd like to:)

[20:09] Aleli Damiano: I wanted to write about this place because according to some small research I have this is one of the best reproductions in SL

[20:12] Aleli Damiano: I went to Dam Square and there is the Madame Tussauds wax museum...

[20:12] Aleli Damiano: though is still in construction there are some figures there already...

[20:12] Judy Meiler: Yeah, I had been to Amsterdam before, there is really like the city in real life.

[20:12] Meredith Rhosar: but I suggest that you can choose some speicific places to introduce

[20:13] Meredith Rhosar: Madame Tussauds is a good example!!!

[20:13] Judy Meiler: In fact, I want to know more about the red district.

[20:13] Meredith Rhosar: cool!!!

[20:13] Aleli Damiano: actually I havent finished my story as I told teacher I want to write more about the red district

[20:14] Meredith Rhosar: haha also in a rush right? XD

[20:14] Aleli Damiano: but yesterday I could not acess to that place...I need to do some changes on my profile or fill some data in order to get there...

[20:14] Judy Meiler: So, can you do that?

[20:15] Aleli Damiano: not really, I mean I spend a whole evening trying to figure out the best way to present my story...as u may noticed I have changed everything

[20:15] Aleli Damiano: from my first presentation I mean...

[20:15] Meredith Rhosar: yes

[20:15] Judy Meiler: Yeah!

[20:16] Meredith Rhosar: and I like the arrangement of pictures and article

[20:16] Meredith Rhosar: comfortable

[20:16] Aleli Damiano: I wanna describe the place but also make it attractive for people to visit here....

[20:16] Meredith Rhosar: I think your pictures are successful!

[20:16] Aleli Damiano: thanks :)

[20:17] Judy Meiler: The pictures are really beautiful.

[20:17] Aleli Damiano: thanks, appreciate it...

[20:18] Aleli Damiano: u see how all those ads are actually not disturbing the old style of the place...?

[20:19] Meredith Rhosar: they're not big

[20:19] Aleli Damiano: yeah...

[20:19] Judy Meiler: Yes, I think it’s a place full of culture. Even though there is famous for sex business, but it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable and dirty.

[20:21] Aleli Damiano: that yes...that's right...and I have saw some sex workers...and did not feel unconfortable either...

[20:21] Aleli Damiano: I mean they are also part of the city's essence...

[20:22] Meredith Rhosar: uh Monica...may I ask why you mention red district?

[20:22] Meredith Rhosar: is that a feature of the city?

[20:22] Judy Meiler: Yeah, it has already become a famous sex culture now. Ha! Ha!

[20:23] Aleli Damiano: because when people talks about Amsterdam first thing that pop up is sex bussiness

[20:23] Meredith Rhosar: really?!

[20:23] Aleli Damiano: so I wanted to say that in SL that's also an important feature, cuz cant be very realistic if we skip that part...

[20:24] Judy Meiler: Yeah, that's true!

[20:24] Meredith Rhosar: haha sorry because I didn't know it...:S

[20:24] Aleli Damiano: no problem...

[20:24] Aleli Damiano: :)

[20:24] Meredith Rhosar: you don't need to skip

[20:25] Judy Meiler: Yeah, you have to write about that.

[20:25] Aleli Damiano: I mean if people skip the sex part when they built the city in SL it would not feel so real

[20:25] Meredith Rhosar: oh I see

[20:26] Meredith Rhosar: so you're going to write more?

[20:26] Judy Meiler: Yeah, because it has already become a really important feature of Amsterdam.

[20:26] Meredith Rhosar: haha I mean the article

[20:26] Meredith Rhosar: revise

[20:26] Aleli Damiano: yes...I need to get into the REd district first to collect information in order to enlarge my story...

[20:27] Judy Meiler: Yeah, looking forward to it! Ha! Ha!

[20:27] Aleli Damiano: no problem...I'll keep working :)

[20:28] Judy Meiler: Great!

[20:28] Aleli Damiano: thank you guys for ur comments...appreciate them...

The summary of the reader's and the editor's suggested revisions

At first I suggest Monica to choose some specific places to introduce, like Madame Tussauds she mentions; and Judy wants to know more about the red district.
Monica explains that she hasn't finished her story yet because some technical problems with SL make her unable to get into the red district again to collect more information. After she solves those problems, she'll sure to write more about the red district.

The brief comment on the entire article with respect to organization, length, logic, and style

We can see that Monica has changed almost everything from her first draft; and we all like her arrangement of pictures and article. She's really a good photo-taker!
At first I don't know that sex culture is an important feature of Amsterdame and wonder why Monica mentions the red district in her story. After they explain to me, I finally know that sex culture has already merged into the city and almost become part of the city's essence: even though Amsterdame is famous for sex businesses, it somehow doesn't make people feel uncomfortable.

Now we all agree that Monica shouldn't skip the sex part, and even should write more about it. We're all looking forward to her final revision!